i just google imaged poop.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
