I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
