i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
