I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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