why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
