Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
