Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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