I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There r osticjed everywhere
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
