My balls are so social today.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
