that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
