Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
