I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
