He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
