census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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