I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
