drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
