i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
