he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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