its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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