You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
