If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
and she was petting her beer can
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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