My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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