IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
