yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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