Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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