He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I touched a dick in church today
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
