Your face is a jimmy john
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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