actually, I'm a sock model
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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