PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
