you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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