he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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