Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
