Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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