Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
