You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
