im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
