Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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