I love black thongs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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