Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
