we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
