He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
