Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
