Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
