onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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