Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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