Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
