I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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