yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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