Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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