Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
